the first emergence

sprightly summer pine, leaveless avenues
the reference point of highways

how long did we have honeybuns?
a day

that was a good day

back to when
not having a boyfriend was not
an issue of confidence, self-esteem
or even loneliness
but lack of attention paid to you

displacement of identity

mix #3:
"comforting/crumbling"

Akron/Family - "I'll Be on the Water"
...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead - "Relative Ways"
The Besnard Lakes - "Thomasina"
Brightblack Morning Light - "Everybody Daylight"
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - "Over and Over Again (Lost and Found)"
Erlend Oye - "The Black Keys Work (Original Mix)"
Faultline. - "Sweet Iris"
Gas - "[untitled]"
Grouper - "Imposter in the Sky"
High Places - "Head Spins (Extended Version)"
Jaga Jazzist - "All I Know is Tonight"
Laurie Anderson - "Big Science"
M83 - "Run Into Flowers (Midnight Fuck Remix by Jackson)"
Phosphorescent - "Pride"
Sufjan Stevens - "Decatur"

the endless nostalgia roundabout

one a.m.

it's one a.m.
and just then we approached
the streetlight lit cotton cloud
the careless blizzard
seen from '94 Honda,
armor to a force

full of vicious windy static
the radio plays windows down
shiny lonely puddles
all along the passenger seat
empty
buckling under our single puzzle

and even though
i've lost your crackling weight i still hope
the time difference
doesn't wake you from your nap
that the distance doesn't grow
for you as it did for me:
thinking back to summer nights,
back porches in Sagamore--
(she tips her gaze out
back room window towards Orion

breathlessly shouting)
i couldn't tell you

about the fatal shift: maybe it was the
photo albums, dancing pirouettes
fingers crossed and eyes screwed shut

forced open to double blurry
yellow lines
leading me home

back of paper plate, sunday afternoon

i never understood people saying "i want to die in a special way, like at some cool time like 11:11, or something" its stupid, a futile effort; it doesn't matter what you end up with, at least someone has seen the same conditions in their demise; it's akin to saying "i want to die in a war, that'll maximize the intimate indirect identity of the event

tonight I saw the valedictorian working at Dunkin Donuts

I just convinced myself my craving for maple nut goodies was because of her;
they were thomas' favorite candy

meditation monday

overwhelming washes of sound and the soothing emotional color of blue there are no events there are no characters in this box but there is a delicate balance preserved throughout the feeling of crushed velvet and new crisp fresh beginnings the shedding of snakeskin past throughout done and over with the negation of any tension or counteraction the wholeness of being here and the passing of moments the ability to preserve myself through this spinning well of keep going the emergence feels like rejuvenation inside warm water enveloping in a holy warm cocoon a waterbirth a new self eyes closed central together forever